SAVE The CHIMPS !!!!!

Save the Chimps is an organization run out of Florida by Dr. Carole Noon, who rescues Chimpanzees from research facilities, the pet trade and entertainment companies. If you and your children need a great New Year's Eve project that will hold the imagination for years to come I recommend you go and adopt a chimp.

These are incredible animals who have all been abandoned by their human counterparts and some have spent decades in windowless cages waiting for their fate to unfold.

Because this is a sanctuary and the goal is to give these animals peace in their golden years it is not open to the public for tours but their website keeps you up to date and even offers a kids section to visit.

Please take a look ....the stories will blow you away. www.savethechimps.org

Retails Sales... What Sales?

I can't tell you how the rest of the retailers in New York City are responding to the after Christmas sales rush, but I can tell you that on the Upper East Side in Yorkville the place is virtually sale free.

In search of post Xmas sales I began by scanning the local drug stores seeking those wonderful bath and body gift sets which I usually get for half price. Unbelievably, I could find none. I also observed that the in store Xmas sections where last year there were deep discounts this year... forget-about-it.

I also visited a collection of shoe stores scattered on 86th street. I was enticed in by the big signs with huge letters screaming 70% off and above in tinny tiny letters.."up too". Ignoring my past experience with such signage I took a walk into these stores. No surprise I couldn't find any of that "specially marked merchandise" that was actually 70% off. Someone must have bought out the entire two pairs of shoes that would legally protect the store from false advertising. I was foiled again.

Sadly, in my humble opinion this was the worst after Xmas shopping that I have ever seen and I'm beginning to think that maybe these retailers and us shoppers are locked in some kind of retail tango. Are we the shoppers holding out for bargains by punishing the retailers? Are the retailers in retaliation punishing us shoppers with crappy sales? Maybe so. Get out there and let me know what you think.

The Birth of Jesus at God's expense

At the Midnight Mass last night the atmosphere was festive and musical. Red and white poinsettias covered the altar, harp and horn players complimented the choir. The priest, Jennifer Linman talked about the purpose of the celebration the birth of Jesus. The man that came to change the world...and did.

Ironically Jennifer was about six months pregnant herself and confessed to a new found affinity for this most precious birth.

As she talked about the love and magic and mystery of giving life as a woman I wondered to myself what did this birth mean to God, the father of Jesus.

The closest thing I have to experiencing the innocence and love of an infant is misplaced in my little Chihuahua Henry. His innocence I want to protect, my heart simply bursts with love when I glance at him and the thought that I would choose to give him away to someone else to be ultimately tortured to death made me shutter. It also helped me understand, finally understand the great sacrifice God made for us. He gave his son. That little son he so loved and wanted to protect and nurture and wanted to be safe and happy. He gave that son knowing what his end would be, the suffering he would experience the pain and horror of mankind in action. Who among us could give our infants over to such a journey willingly, knowingly and with love. Not me.

And I thought to myself. For all the celebration that we have on the day of the birth of Jesus, it must have been a very sad day for God.

When in Doubt get off your A** and Merry Xmas

Whenever I feel like my life is in the dumps, when I bitch and complain about what I should have, where my career should be, the time I've missed , the chances I've lost ,I turn to my church.

Not only do I find God here but I find the best Homeless feeling program in NYC. It takes place at the Church of the Epiphany on 74th and York and is run by Jeanette Gautier- who feeds over a hundred people ever Wednesday of the week, ran or shine, sleet or hail. Hat's off to Jeanette!

This Xmas Eve Peter and I volunteered to help. Not only is the food top quality but we've even got a Zagat's rating. See our very pregnant Priest Jennifer Linman in a group shot to the right and Deacon Horace White below saying the Lord's prayer.

Merry Xmas to all.

Kennedy for Senator?

How to Get your Name in PRINT.

Have you even picked up a video and read the movie review printed on the back and front? Let me do you one better. Have you ever looked at the names of the people doing the review and noticed that they come from some of the most obscure radio stations and newspapers around ?
Well, I have and I have uncovered a very deep and dark writer's secret.

The fastest way for a writer to get their name in print is write a review for a really really bad movie. Call it ,"fantastic"," the best movie ever", " spellbinding" and don't forget "Oscar worthy". This should insure that your name gets published on video covers and distributed throughout the world.

Happy Hanuka to All!!

Happy Hanuka! To all my friends. Please keep in your heart good thoughts for the many Jewish families and charities that have suffered due to the financial tragedy that has occurred in their community.

SHOES Galore

For all you cozy upper east siders who don't like to travel on the subway (like myself)this trip is a no brain-er, and well worth the bother. There is a store called Shoe Mania on 14th street which is having and unbelievable sale. When I say unbelievable I mean unbelievable. Every shoe in the place is 50% off- no exceptions. They have every brand that you can imagine from Rockport, to Mephisto, Reebok and Nike. It's all there!


I walked up from York to 86th and Lex., jumped on the four, and expressed it down to 14th street. In all, it took me twenty-minutes. My husband and I scored two pairs of Doctor Martins for eighty bucks. I felt like I was stealing them. Finally I was able to relate to the woman in the Ikea commercial that looks at her bill, sees it is so low, and madly runs out of the store in case they catch the non error.


I like the Docs because you can't wear em out. They are a sturdy shoe that can take the city potholes and the ice without breaking my neck. ( I'm sure you all know how I feel about heels!).

I suggest that you pick up a pair of shoes or two and then head across the street to a winter wonderland shoppers delight. You'll feel like you're in Santa's Village with cute little shops offering unique gift ideas for all budgets.

SAVE THIS DATE.. Sun Dec 7th at 5:00

The tree lighting at the Carl Schurz Park is here. Come neighbours and friends bring babies and doggies too.

The festivities start at 5:00 sharp and there will be caroling, hot apple cider, cookies , music and singers.

I've been going to this for years and it keeps getting bigger and bigger so I suggest you dress warm and come a bit early.

This is a great way to meet your neighbours and start the Xmas season off right!!!! SEE YOU THERE.

I saw The Amazing Journey Again. It WAS AMAZING

PART ONE OF MY JOURNEY

Remember when I told you about the show I saw at the Logos bookstore over the summer called The Amazing Journey of Juan Diego by Luce Amen? Well, I went to see her perform again tonight at Studios 535 in something called the Square One Series.

Peter and I took the 1 train on the west side and got off at 42nd street. And were we glad we did.

The bright lights of the city couldn't be brighter and the energy buzzed like a hornets nest. That's Peter to your right in Times Square.

The show was a series of experts from different shows from opera to Broadway and theatre works in progress.

Luce began the show and I really urge you to get her C. D. Her songs will move you because not only are they good but they are truly inspired. As if that wasn't enough the quality and sincere commitment of the other performers was top notch! This is not something you can see every day. It was a wonderful evening and I look forward to attending other events at the Square One Series
That's Peter and Luce to your right!

http://www.amazingjjd.com/

What I learned from the Financial Crises

1. I will take some responsibility for this situation.

2. I will not give my money to strangers to manage.

3. I will control my own money

4. Money managers are not smarter than me.

5. People with money are not better than me.

6. I will not donate to charities unless they give back.

7. I do not need a new car every two years.

8. A bigger house will not make my family love me.

9. A home is not an investment. It is a home.

10. I will pay off my home before I buy anything.

11. I will tend my own garden.

Happy THANKSGIVING

Happy thanksgiving to all my readers and friends. I have a lot to be thankful this year and although I cooked my turkey last week I got caught up in the buzz around town and had to buy another.

The Shady Brooke Turkey's at the Morton Williams on 84th and first were on my mind and I headed there around 7:00 tonight. Unfortunately where I got there the unthinkable happened. There were no Shady Brooke Turkey's left only the really expensive ones and since I'm on a budget I wasn't about to pop for a sixty- dollar turkey.

As I wheeled my red cart up the turkey isle, I noticed that a woman was hugging a Shady Brooke in hand. She had stopped her race to the counter and was asking someone how these turkey's were.

I said nothing. I wanted that last bird and I wasn't about to blow it for myself. Shady Brooke was good... damn good I tested them last week. I watched her as she discussed the differences with a guy who had a Butterball in his cart. I tried to appear uninterested as I perused the steak my back turned but my Spock ears focused like radar to the conversation.

Finally the lady looked at the Butterball and put the Shady Brooke back in the meat department. Finally, the bird was mine. all mine. and I grabbed that twenty-five pounder and pitched it into my cart. I had landed the last Shady Brooke in the store! God was good.
By the time I checked out there were about five turkey's left. Had Manhattan gone turkey loco? Was everyone on the island cooking a bird? How could a store run out of turkeys? Yet this had come to pass.

P.S. For those of you who are last minute shoppers, it's going to be hard to find a bird tomorrow so be forewarned.

Happy TURKEY DAY!

I just want to wish all my friends a Happy Thanksgiving. I've got a lot to be thankful for this year. I will be publishing my first book and I'm much loved by my mom and dad. (see dad in pic)

Although I've never met a Turkey my mom bought a Shady Brooke Turkey from the Morton Williams on 84th and first. Last week she cooked one just to taste test and it was delicious. Turkey day is one of my favorites. I get all kinds of tasty turkey snacks and my little belly goes YUM, YUM..........It's doggy heaven on Turkey day.

Where to buy your Turkey Pan

The overly priced days of the Turkey Pan on the Upper East Side are over. It kills me to spend five bucks on a pan I know is only worth a dollar and I have found a solution.

On 84th and York Avenue there is a fruit and vegetable stand at "U Don't Know Nothing Produce". Walk to the back of the store, look up and you will see sturdy Turkey Pans available at a great price.

I bought the round one and cooked my turkey a couple of days ago. I just can't take the pressure to cook one on Thanksgiving. Now I'm free to spend the day giving thanks not cooking like a madwoman.

I can't tell you where but......

I can tell you that when you're in the know in the artistic community in NYC you get invited to very private parties at lofts in the city. What takes place?

Well, if you've ever been to a club like the Blue Note then you know the quality of musicians that exist. These musicians need an audience to test new material, hear personal composition and share a chat, cheese and wine and good cheer. That's where I come in. I can't tell where but I can tell you who.

The musician I was privileged to listen to was the bassoonist Michael Rabinowitz, with Nikki Denner on piano and Denner's husband who played an awesome flute. From Mozart, to Monk to private compositions and good old fashioned improv, I couldn't have been in better company. If you get a chance to see them play I advise you do so.

How to get RID of a Bill Collector

The rope around our necks these days are credit reports, and scores. This is simply a set of numbers that label us worthy of buying stuff we can't afford. I have found that collection companies use this power to scare, intimidate and threaten us lowly consumers.

How do you get around this? Well, I have been an artist for many years so getting credit, securing credit or even wanting credit has never factored in my mindset.

The trick here is NOT to get intimated. A credit score cannot define you as a human being, so DON'T let it. I'll give you an example of a phone call I got from a collection agency the other day...it went like this.

MR .B: Ms. Hall, this is Mr. Branson with blah blah,blah.. and you owe us twelve hundred dollars, how would you like to settle that? I can take your checking account right over the phone.
ME: Well, Mr. Branson, I'm not paying for something I didn't receive.

MR. B: Ms. Hall the good news is that your credit score hasn't been affected.

ME: Really Mr. Branson, that's the best news I heard all day.

MR. B: Ms. Hall we can take your checking account over the phone.

ME: I don't have one. (NEVER GIVE YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT OVER THE PHONE)

MR. B: Ms. Hall the good news is that your credit score hasn't been affected.

ME: Well, Mr. Branson, you better get started my credit score needs to be affected.

ME: Hello? Mr. Branson? Hello?

This is the first time a bill collector ever hung up on me. The key? Don't let them get to you with this credit report thing. Chances are the worse the economy gets the government will decide to give us all a second chance and clear our credit scores down to ZERO. Then we can all start again.

"

RUN Don't WALK!!!! to Gristedes on 86th and FIRST

Run, don't walk to the Gristedes on 86th and first avenue and pick up the best coffee cake you'll ever have- for the holiday season only!!!

The most wonderful delicious, homemade, no preservatives, no artificial flavors MY GRANDMA'S of New England Coffee Cake has arrived. Not only with it blow your mind but it's a perfect gift, in a sturdy box, and comes in its' own freezer bag. With flavours, like Granny Smith Apple, Cinnamon Walnut, Cape Cod Cranberry , Chocolate Chip Walnut, and Golden Raspberry you can't go wrong for yourself or your friends on this holiday season.

This cake was served as a favorite at NYC's Tea Room at the Plaza, the Ryder cup and the U.S Tennis Open. Known as the "rage of the east coast" I promise this cake will live up to all the buzz. Thank me later.

If there is none left... call to order 1-800-847 2636 or visit www.mygrandma.com

The MOST Beautiful Tree

The most beautiful tree stands in front of me

On 83rd and York on an unassuming street,

Where I buried one fish and a bird.

This tree, this beautiful tree, did God make this?

Did God make this just for me?

To see?

I'm Ranting about Heels Again.

When I was in college I took a class on semiology. Semiology is the study of signs and symbols in society and culture. For example when a writer writes. "A woman in a red dress stood on the sidewalk". The study of signs and symbols isolates the image of the red dress and asks what does a red dress mean to the culture in which it exists? In this case in our culture red dresses are associated with women of the evening, they infer sexy and sex and a woman who is looking for the same.

Recently, I asked myself what is the semiology of high heels? Well, besides shrinking the Achilles tendon, pushing the hips forward so the back is forced to arch unnaturally, and cause excruciating pain when worn at work, what do high heels mean?

According to "Sex in the City" high heels are sexy which was celebrated by the photographer Helmut Newton in the seventies. So assuming that high heels are a sign to men that the woman wearing them wants sex what else do they inter.

Well a woman who is wearing high heels cannot run from a pursuing male. And even if she does run she is likely to trip and fall or hurt herself. Therefore a woman is high heels immobilizes herself and becomes easy prey for a male pursuer. She cannot run from a man. She has rendered herself helpless of her own free will. She is powerless, she has become an easy target to be victimized.

Ladies... I ask you, "Is this image what you want your husbands and sons find sexy?"

Lost My Friend Sally

Yesterday I woke up and discovered that my friend Sally had had a stroke. Her eyes were moving from right to left erratically and her back legs were useless. Sally, was thirteen years old. I got her from the Animal Control center on 110th and first avenue in Manhattan when she was around eight years old. She'd been abandoned by a family due to "allergies" (yeah right)! and during her stay at the pound had starved herself into a bag of bones. I remember that I could count every vertebrae on her back. She was starved and depressed and her eyes had a blank look. Sally had lost her will to live.

Over a couple of months my husband and I nursed her back to health only to find she was a wild untrained child that we had to train to walk on a leash. Slowly, Sally worked her way into our hearts, she got along with her little brother Henry and the three cats like she'd always been part of the family.

She also had a talent for opening the refrigerator and helping herself. I often came home to an open fridge and no food. There was Sally squiggling on her back, "I know I did wrong, don't punish me", and I never could. I learned not to leave cold cuts on the lower shelves and to hide the cheese. I didn't care about that... Sally was the first creature that made me feel safe. Sally was a guard dog with a big heart.

The morning Sally had her stroke I called a local vet to ask what it would cost me to put my best friend down. They said they'd call me back and did so after and hour. Can you imagine they made me wait for an hour?

The girl on the phone told me it would be three hundred and fifty five dollars. I knew these NYC vets were extreme but this was ridiculous. She then called me back a half hour later and announced that she got the price wrong it was five-hundred and fifty five dollars due to Sally's size. I hung up the phone, satisfied that all the vet nightmare stories I'd heard from friend were true. They were going to hit me while I was down but I had other plans. I called the ASPCA and for a third the price I was able to take Sally by pet taxi over to the facility. It was a wonderful experience, the nurses patted and talked to Sally and she wagged her tail. Sally. was ready to go and I got the sense that she understood. Her body hadn't been cooperating for a while and although she 'd hang on to the death if I asked her too... I didn't have the heart to ask.

I love you Sally , my guardian friend. May god bless you may your spirit burn bright. Thank you my dog dog thank you.