Where to buy your Turkey Pan

The overly priced days of the Turkey Pan on the Upper East Side are over. It kills me to spend five bucks on a pan I know is only worth a dollar and I have found a solution.

On 84th and York Avenue there is a fruit and vegetable stand at "U Don't Know Nothing Produce". Walk to the back of the store, look up and you will see sturdy Turkey Pans available at a great price.

I bought the round one and cooked my turkey a couple of days ago. I just can't take the pressure to cook one on Thanksgiving. Now I'm free to spend the day giving thanks not cooking like a madwoman.

I can't tell you where but......

I can tell you that when you're in the know in the artistic community in NYC you get invited to very private parties at lofts in the city. What takes place?

Well, if you've ever been to a club like the Blue Note then you know the quality of musicians that exist. These musicians need an audience to test new material, hear personal composition and share a chat, cheese and wine and good cheer. That's where I come in. I can't tell where but I can tell you who.

The musician I was privileged to listen to was the bassoonist Michael Rabinowitz, with Nikki Denner on piano and Denner's husband who played an awesome flute. From Mozart, to Monk to private compositions and good old fashioned improv, I couldn't have been in better company. If you get a chance to see them play I advise you do so.

How to get RID of a Bill Collector

The rope around our necks these days are credit reports, and scores. This is simply a set of numbers that label us worthy of buying stuff we can't afford. I have found that collection companies use this power to scare, intimidate and threaten us lowly consumers.

How do you get around this? Well, I have been an artist for many years so getting credit, securing credit or even wanting credit has never factored in my mindset.

The trick here is NOT to get intimated. A credit score cannot define you as a human being, so DON'T let it. I'll give you an example of a phone call I got from a collection agency the other day...it went like this.

MR .B: Ms. Hall, this is Mr. Branson with blah blah,blah.. and you owe us twelve hundred dollars, how would you like to settle that? I can take your checking account right over the phone.
ME: Well, Mr. Branson, I'm not paying for something I didn't receive.

MR. B: Ms. Hall the good news is that your credit score hasn't been affected.

ME: Really Mr. Branson, that's the best news I heard all day.

MR. B: Ms. Hall we can take your checking account over the phone.

ME: I don't have one. (NEVER GIVE YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT OVER THE PHONE)

MR. B: Ms. Hall the good news is that your credit score hasn't been affected.

ME: Well, Mr. Branson, you better get started my credit score needs to be affected.

ME: Hello? Mr. Branson? Hello?

This is the first time a bill collector ever hung up on me. The key? Don't let them get to you with this credit report thing. Chances are the worse the economy gets the government will decide to give us all a second chance and clear our credit scores down to ZERO. Then we can all start again.

"

RUN Don't WALK!!!! to Gristedes on 86th and FIRST

Run, don't walk to the Gristedes on 86th and first avenue and pick up the best coffee cake you'll ever have- for the holiday season only!!!

The most wonderful delicious, homemade, no preservatives, no artificial flavors MY GRANDMA'S of New England Coffee Cake has arrived. Not only with it blow your mind but it's a perfect gift, in a sturdy box, and comes in its' own freezer bag. With flavours, like Granny Smith Apple, Cinnamon Walnut, Cape Cod Cranberry , Chocolate Chip Walnut, and Golden Raspberry you can't go wrong for yourself or your friends on this holiday season.

This cake was served as a favorite at NYC's Tea Room at the Plaza, the Ryder cup and the U.S Tennis Open. Known as the "rage of the east coast" I promise this cake will live up to all the buzz. Thank me later.

If there is none left... call to order 1-800-847 2636 or visit www.mygrandma.com

The MOST Beautiful Tree

The most beautiful tree stands in front of me

On 83rd and York on an unassuming street,

Where I buried one fish and a bird.

This tree, this beautiful tree, did God make this?

Did God make this just for me?

To see?

I'm Ranting about Heels Again.

When I was in college I took a class on semiology. Semiology is the study of signs and symbols in society and culture. For example when a writer writes. "A woman in a red dress stood on the sidewalk". The study of signs and symbols isolates the image of the red dress and asks what does a red dress mean to the culture in which it exists? In this case in our culture red dresses are associated with women of the evening, they infer sexy and sex and a woman who is looking for the same.

Recently, I asked myself what is the semiology of high heels? Well, besides shrinking the Achilles tendon, pushing the hips forward so the back is forced to arch unnaturally, and cause excruciating pain when worn at work, what do high heels mean?

According to "Sex in the City" high heels are sexy which was celebrated by the photographer Helmut Newton in the seventies. So assuming that high heels are a sign to men that the woman wearing them wants sex what else do they inter.

Well a woman who is wearing high heels cannot run from a pursuing male. And even if she does run she is likely to trip and fall or hurt herself. Therefore a woman is high heels immobilizes herself and becomes easy prey for a male pursuer. She cannot run from a man. She has rendered herself helpless of her own free will. She is powerless, she has become an easy target to be victimized.

Ladies... I ask you, "Is this image what you want your husbands and sons find sexy?"

Lost My Friend Sally

Yesterday I woke up and discovered that my friend Sally had had a stroke. Her eyes were moving from right to left erratically and her back legs were useless. Sally, was thirteen years old. I got her from the Animal Control center on 110th and first avenue in Manhattan when she was around eight years old. She'd been abandoned by a family due to "allergies" (yeah right)! and during her stay at the pound had starved herself into a bag of bones. I remember that I could count every vertebrae on her back. She was starved and depressed and her eyes had a blank look. Sally had lost her will to live.

Over a couple of months my husband and I nursed her back to health only to find she was a wild untrained child that we had to train to walk on a leash. Slowly, Sally worked her way into our hearts, she got along with her little brother Henry and the three cats like she'd always been part of the family.

She also had a talent for opening the refrigerator and helping herself. I often came home to an open fridge and no food. There was Sally squiggling on her back, "I know I did wrong, don't punish me", and I never could. I learned not to leave cold cuts on the lower shelves and to hide the cheese. I didn't care about that... Sally was the first creature that made me feel safe. Sally was a guard dog with a big heart.

The morning Sally had her stroke I called a local vet to ask what it would cost me to put my best friend down. They said they'd call me back and did so after and hour. Can you imagine they made me wait for an hour?

The girl on the phone told me it would be three hundred and fifty five dollars. I knew these NYC vets were extreme but this was ridiculous. She then called me back a half hour later and announced that she got the price wrong it was five-hundred and fifty five dollars due to Sally's size. I hung up the phone, satisfied that all the vet nightmare stories I'd heard from friend were true. They were going to hit me while I was down but I had other plans. I called the ASPCA and for a third the price I was able to take Sally by pet taxi over to the facility. It was a wonderful experience, the nurses patted and talked to Sally and she wagged her tail. Sally. was ready to go and I got the sense that she understood. Her body hadn't been cooperating for a while and although she 'd hang on to the death if I asked her too... I didn't have the heart to ask.

I love you Sally , my guardian friend. May god bless you may your spirit burn bright. Thank you my dog dog thank you.

My first Time at the Christian Science Church

Last night I attended a meeting at the Christian Science Church on 77th and Park Avenue, actually called the Eighth Church of Christ, Scientist, NYC

I was wary, suspicious. Who were these people? What were they about? But, since I was invited by a woman who I trusted I took the plunge. The building was incredibly done in a simple art deco narrative. Well, lit, welcoming and modern it was a a big difference from the style of my church the Church of the Epiphany on 74th and York avenue.

The altar was not an altar at all but the most beautiful organ I'd even seen. I must admit that the decor matched the quality of the speech which was given by a man named Michael Pabst. He explained that God made us all as originals and made no mistakes so we had to find ways celebrate our own individual and unique state of being. I'm giving you only a sample of what was said but this "truth" struck me and made me feel less like an oddball and more like a gift from god.

It was a good night for me.

Marathon Sunday in NYC

No only was the weather awesome for a run today but my husband and I decided to go to China Town to our favorite restaurant, pick up some shrimp from the seafood market on Canal street, and some of the mushroom soy sauce which I have come to love. It was not until I shopped at a grocery store in Chinatown that I realized that there were hundreds of kinds of soy sauces all different flavours. On the upper east side the grocery stores only carry Kikoman and La Choy. A world of soy sauces has opened up to me and I'm having a ball exploring this.


I am also intending to hit the Old Navy store, having seen their T.V. commercials that stated they had turtlenecks at a price of two for ten dollars just for the weekend. I desperately needed some turtle necks and I love a bargain so I made the plunge.

The plan was to walk to the subway of 86th and Lex, take the six down to Spring street walk down Broadway, hit Old Navy, and then walk up Canal to Chinatown.

As soon as we got to first avenue however the streets were closed and the runners were running.
Congratulations to all who ran this great race, I wish I had the guts but I'm getting older and I scared to hurt my knees. So we stood and cheered them on.
This was about 26 miles along on the race and I actually saw a girl who was a spectator take off her jacket revealing full runners gear, jump over the barries and join the race. Running with her arms up like she'd been running all along.
Big fat cheater, whoever you are!!!!!! I saw you!!!!

After about an hour the runners thinned out and we crossed the street to make our way up to the six train and took it down to Spring Street.

We got off we headed toward Broadway and to the Old Navy, I was terribly jazzed about those turtle necks. They looked warm and modern on the commercials and who could say no to such a deal. Two for ten dollars. Right up my alley.

As I entered the enormous store I looked right and left- no turtle necks. I made my way down the aisle to the back dragging my husband in tow. My eyes scanned the heaps of clothes...no turtle necks. Finally I found a supervisor. I explained that I was looking for the turtle necks that were on sale, two for ten dollars and advertised on the T.V. commercial. She looked at me thoughtfully. "No", she said. "Nothing like that here".

"But", I began. "Did you see the commercials?"
"Yes, I did", she admitted, "but here not here".

"Thanks" I said and walked away. I was sideswiped. I was fooled, I was a victim of false advertising. And I was hungry, really hungry. Too hungry to fight. Old Navy was lucky this time.

We walked up Canal to our favorite Chinese restaurant.
If you like dim sum this is the place and if you like football, they have a flat screen TV, so ladies it's easy to get your man to take you there on a Sunday afternoon. It's called Mandarin Court on 61 Mott street.

That's my husband watching football after eating a roast duck and sharing a little dim sum with me. He cooks the best shrimp so were going to pick up some at the local fish market where you will find the best seafood at the best priced in Manhattan.

After that I'm going to get my mushroom soy sauce, some hot chili pepper and some sesame oil.

Then were headed home to feed the dogs and cats and settle in for the night.

Am I blessed or what?

STRANGE SIGHTINGS on the Upper East Side

Welcome to the world of the senior citizens of the Upper East Side. On this rainy day the woman to your right decided that her umbrella had to remain open at the Morton Williams grocery store on 82nd and first. The manager approached her after she knocked several people in the head and pointed out the problem. In response she hit him with a handbag and continued to shop much to the dismayed public.

MY SECRET To PASTA SUCCESS

I've often been asked," how the hell do you make such great pasta?" And here it is my secret finally revealed.
Bertolli Vodka Sauce. This stuff is great. It's the only sauce that I dare pour directly from the jar onto the pasta.
And for a great Chicken Cacciatori, fry chicken, drain it pour over a can of crushed tomatoes, let it stew and when almost ready crack out the Bertoilli Vodka sauce and pour it over the chicken. I promise that it will the best Chicken Cacciatori ever.
.....And modelling the jar is my husband Peter and his cat Luke.

A beauty day at the Carl Schurz Park

There was not a bench to be had in the Carl Schurz Park this weekend. This is the beauty that I wake up to every day. Talk about blessed!

On Sunday the sun was out, the sky blue and the water even bluer. I love the fact that I can sit by the water on any given day and watch the boats chug their way into the NYC harbour. For some reason I need to be around water and in a big city you'd think that would be impossible but somehow, someway I ended up in the best place in the world and I thank god for that everyday.

But in New York there are always "strange sightings. First I saw a lady with at parrot which was really cool. But then it happened as it often does in this city of strangers.

As I sat on the bench with my husband and dogs I spotted a
flash of red out of the corner of my eye. As I focused on red to my horror I saw a middle aged man dressed in red pants, but not red shorts red puffy pants he was in petty coat shorts jogging in between the benches and the guard rails- shirtless and sweaty.

I thought to myself this is why man needs a mate. This man would have never gotten out of the house dressed like that if he had a partner. But there he was running loose in all his glory proudly shaking his junk for all to see.
There is never a dull day in NYC.

Atlanta Housewives Kim Grow UP

On Atlanta Housewives this week Kim the sweet blond to the left has decided to be a Country Music Star. Forget she's never performed or for that matter sung in public. But she actually believes that she can buy herself a place with country greats the like of Dolly Parton.

Yes Kim has money in fact she has a sugar daddy who'll buy her anything or anyone. Lost in this fantasy she has spent thousands of dollars to take a photo shoot for her album and hired some big wig producer....but to produce what? No one knows. Apparently the singing factor had alluded this pretty blond. Baby your sugar daddy can't help. In fact all the money or the tantrums in the world can't help LOL.

But guess what Kim? No one can buy talent and you have none so grow up or get your ass in a booked in a couple of clubs do a cross country tour and then we'll talk.

On the flip side Nene has captured my heart and respect. I met her husband for the first time and the man is all class. He's keeper and if anything the other girls are jealous of the love he has for you so... note to Nene: Don't blow it!

Nene wears her heart on her sleeve and she seems out of place she doesn't have the hard edge and cold heart that some of the other's cultivate. And that came clear when Kim turned on her BFF Nene because Nene can actually sing. I hope Nene gets the knife out of her back and keeps a look out for Kim because she's twisting it.

High Heel Nighmares on Fox Red Eye

Enough already with these crippling contraptions. On Fox Red Eye last night it was brought to my attention that women are electing for toe surgery. That's right toe surgery?

Apparently, the surgeon peels off the skin surrounding your toe, pulls back the sinew and muscle till your toe bone is reveled.

After that the surgeon saws off the bone until your toe reaches the preferred size.

And what's all this for. So women can have pretty toes while wearing heels high heels. That way when they bread their ankle or suffer from back pain they will look pretty. And the best part is that a ten inch heel is being released for the latest summer looks.

Is this sick or what?

And how come we have no equivalent contraption that we strap to our sons feet. Yet our daughters are vulnerable. Come on mom's get this fetish off the streets.

A Halloween Party at the Carl Schurz Park

Every year there is a very special Halloween Party in the Carl Schurz Park called the Halloween Howl. This is a time of years where dogs and their owners dress up in costumes and prance around for prizes, cookies and treats. It has become a neighbourhood tradition in this part of the world.

Upper east side dogs are very savvy and they know their in costume and get into it with their owners ..big time! This event tons of fun, and very kid friendly so bring a camera. And if there is such a thing as reincarnation I'm hoping to reserve a place as an Upper East side dog in Manhattan.

This is a pic of my dog Henry and myself . Henry is in costume as a chicken which he has worn every year for the past ten years.

So you don't miss any more events at the park.

The annual Caroling and Tree Lighting Celebration is coming up on Sunday December 7th between East End and 86th from 5:30 to 6:30.

Their website is http://www.carlschurzpark.org/.

My Investing Tip of the Week

Something to recommend to clients…especially since the market is down!!!


Retirement Planning
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to Drink heavily and recycle.

The Housewives of Atlanta: You go girls!

Who says money changes people. These housewives are keeping it real. I watched and laughed, I fell in love. These girls own who they are. Money yeah, they have a lot, I mean a lot of money but their fun and wonderful and I love them.

Don't miss this show on Bravo.

Weekend Overtime in Yorkville

This weekend is particularly busy in the hood. It's street fair bonanza. On 84th street between York and First Avenue ( one block from my house ) is a combination Farmer's Market and Church Fair. The Farmer's market brings in the freshest produce from local farms in the area. You can get anything from fresh garden green beans, to apple pies, and local seafood. It feels like you're at a real country fair smack dab in the middle of the city. Not only that when is the last time you've seen someone selling Tupperware? I was surprised to find out it still existed.

I also ran into a very strange man selling his used C.D. collection. He pointed out where the sale bin was and announced the sale price was $4.00. I took a look and finding it mostly classical. I stopped on a C.D. of Evita.

"Good pick!", he announced. He proceeded to tell me that it would cost $6.00 because it contained two C.D.'s. Then he picked up the C.D. and informed me that it would be $8.00 because it had a scratch on it.

I thought to myself , "a scratch? was this guy nuts? Was he really selling C.D.'s or was this a cover for something else?"

Before my writers imagination could get the better of me I cautiously put the C.D. down , very slowly, turned, and walked away.

Piggy- backing on the Farmer's Market this weekend celebrates St. Francis, the patron saint of animals, so the Hungarian Catholic church , Saint Stevens (located on the same block). has included a food court . Is is complete with homemade sauerkraut, cabbage rolls and fresh kobassa and indifferent Hungarian hospitality. They also have lots of donated second hand stuff. The kind of stuff you look at and then decide you don't really want.

By the time I got there I was crudely told there was NO FOOD. So, I proceeded next door to the hamburger and hot dog grills and boy was I glad I did. Never in my life, my whole life have I had a burger that was so amazing. Grilled, crispy on the outside Angus beef.....the BEST.

I recommend you get down there just to try a burger and tell me what you think.

My Bibles and Brewskies Class

Yes, I believe in God and even if I didn't this is a great event to attend if you live on the Upper East Side, or wherever for that matter.
We read passages from the bible and we discuss like rational human beings. We talk, we debate, we throw out ideas and we bond.

You don't even have to worry about religion. This is about discussing a really big book that had influenced our culture for many, many years. Religion is not a requirement and we'd love to hear from anyone who can offer some input.

I suggest that you take the first Wednesday of every month and put it on your calender. That's 7:00 o'clock at the church of the Epiphany on 74th and York.

But the way that's the priest, Jennifer in the middle. You can't get cooler. So do yourself a favour and drop by, bring a beer or some wine, chill, talk, meet someone other then your immediate "group" and enjoy!

By the way... What do you think about the Bible?

Don't Pass this Bill

I really feel that a one family house should not be more that fifty-thousand dollars. We've got to get out heads out of the sand and realize that real estate is NOT a way to make money. Your HOME is a place where you choose to grow yourself and your family. Is should NOT be a place you sell to make money. If your house was only $50,000. you could pay this off and with all that extra money you'd buy stuff, right? You'd buy stuff that gets the economy going. We have been in the noose of paying for where we live paying WAY too much. And we have bought into the idea that where we live is somehow a means to increase our income.

Are you behind in you payments? Maybe one payment from foreclosure? I say RELAX. Let the bank take that house. Just move out for a couple of months. When the bank puts it on the auction block take our your saving in cash, buy it back at a discount rate from the bank free and clear and move into YOUR house.

And don't think for a moment you'll sell it for a profit. This is your HOME. This is where you and your family creates memories, this is a sacred place and that can never be for sale.

Take control. If you've survived and built a family and home you're the smart one. It's time Wall Street figured that one out.